Did any of you have a child like this?

[HeyThereDelilah]

Revisiting this topic because I'd like to hear your thoughts on it....

N is 3yo. Now it's not just her underwear she changes, though she still changes them at least twice a day so not nearly as often as she once did (though some days she will change them more than twice.) But now it's changing her clothes several times an hour!

This is driving me absolutely crazy. Today she changed out of her pajamas into, what she called "daytime clothes". Then, just a very short while later, changed into something completely different. Then FIVE minutes later changed into something completely different. Then changed into one of her many dress-up princess type dresses. Then of course changed back into regular clothes and on and on it goes. Also, she does not do this on her own, but needs me to help her. Then I have to go pick up all the clothes she's left all over the house from her changing sessions. I have given up on keeping her dresser drawers nice and neat with folded clothes and we now just stuff clothes in there because she changes so much! Well, when I put her fresh laundry in there, I still fold them up, but during the day I just return them to their drawer and stuff them in there because I know she is going to take them out all over again, either to wear it or to move it out of her way in her quest to find her next outfit.

What on earth?!?!?! I'm telling you, she changes clothes a MINIMUM of ten times a day and that is the minimum.

Oh and she also happens to be my only child who has such strong opinions on what she WILL NOT wear. My other kids would just wear whatever I purchased for them and put on them for the day. Nope, not gonna happen with this one. She doesn't like certain things and I cannot find any rhyme or reason as to why (I've tried to see if she doesn't like itchy things or tight things or things with tags that might bother her but there is no rhyme or reason). I am honestly going to have to take this child, this 3yo child with me when I go shopping so she can pick out her own clothes! Isn't this odd? Or is it just odd to me?

[michelle]

Wow. As far as what she's willing to wear, I guess I'd take her w/ me shopping. But I would pick the things off the rack that I'm willing to pay for and let her choose from them. (Or go to Goodwill.) That's going to be an issue w/ modesty eventually, though. So maybe make sure you say, "No; that's not appropriate" a few times each trip. Otherwise, that'll come from nowhere when modesty is an issue. (Not that modesty isn't an issue yet, but you know what I mean.

As far as changing that many times a day, she's got ya, Mom. It's a game for her. She's "playing" with her clothes. I think I'd tell her she's not going to change clothing again until it's pj's for bed. Then stick with it. Unless that means going somewhere special w/ chocolate milk stains on her white shirt, I'd force it. And if you can't bring yourself to force that issue, make her sit down with you and "help" you fold the clothes she just took off. Every time. She needs to understand that it's extra work for you (and thus, her) every time she feels like changing clothes.

That's my :2cents. Remember, you asked for it!

[TamieJP]

As far as changing that many times a day, she's got ya, Mom. It's a game for her. She's "playing" with her clothes. I think I'd tell her she's not going to change clothing again until it's pj's for bed. Then stick with it. Unless that means going somewhere special w/ chocolate milk stains on her white shirt, I'd force it. And if you can't bring yourself to force that issue, make her sit down with you and "help" you fold the clothes she just took off. Every time. She needs to understand that it's extra work for you (and thus, her) every time she feels like changing clothes.

Make it more difficult on her and easier on you.

I do think that if you can HANG UP ALL HER CLOTHES except maybe her PJs, might help her help herself. In the drawers would only be underwear and maybe PJs.

I might work up to it. "You will be 3 1/2 soon" (or whatever celebration you can come up with since her birthday might be a bit off), "that's the time that Mommy only helps you dress on Sunday and doctor visit days." (Again, whatever you need it to be).

Tell her each day for a week or two that this special day is coming. Get some extra hangers for her to unwrap for the special day. Serve cake.... Make it a big deal then do it.

[teachermom]

Since I never had a child like this, I was stuck. I STILL pick out Matt's clothes (though he will get things out and put them on if I'm not around) and I picked dd's clothes out through 6th grade - she just didn't care, and knew I'd pick what was right for the weather.

But after thinking about it, I'm gonna agree with Michelle - she's playing, and doesn't realize that it's a chore for you. Of course, I'd let my kid run around in her underwear (come to think of it, Matt does ) so I wouldn't have the issue of helping her dress. "sorry, I dont have time now"

Possible have some loose dress-up clothing that she can put on over her other clothes (and big enough that she can do it by herself)? old stuff of her sisters, old costumes from goodwill? Possibly put her clothes in an inaccessible place (in your room?)and only give her a few items of play clothing that she can do that with?

[HeyThereDelilah]

Jeri, you reminded me of something I wanted to post but forgot about. Up until very very recently, she was happiest running around in her undies. Seriously, if dh and I were in the front yard, she would just run outside in her undies. So we are glad she is wearing clothes now. It's just this is a tad ridiculous.

I have wondered if there are locks for dresser drawers. Most of her dresses and stuff are hanging in the closet but everything else is in her dresser. Her dresser is in our room...which happens to be her room as well. Sigh.

I think the real issue is the fact that I really don't have much control over this child. It's almost as if she is going to do what she wants. Period. In the past, it has made no difference as far as being consistent or the forbidden topic that we shall not speak of.

She's quite sweet and loving, just nearly impossible to discipline. I have honestly never had a child who was so adamant about what she would and wouldn't wear at 3yo. I often joke that I will not survive these toddler/preschool years.

This too shall pass and probably way too quickly ( yet not quickly enough, LOL!)

[JOY]

I would just say I can't help with clothing changes and leave it at that...I love some of these ideas that you have been given. My dd who was like this (though didn't change her clothes quite as much) was given free reign on what she wore around the house, but if we went out, I was the one with veto power. So on Sunday, I gave her a couple of choices and she had to choose from what I considered appropriate...

Thankfully she is now 18 and recently read Color Me Beautiful and looks very put together on many days...

[vicki]

I haven't thought about this in a decade. Madeleine changed her clothes constantly. In the beginning it bugged me, but we laughed and that probably encouraged her. Then I got so busy with nebulizing Vinnie and Veronica (and all of their health issues) that I honestly didn't pay much attention to Madeleine changing her clothes. In fact, thinking back on it, if she didn't come out with a different outfit every hour or so we all wondered why.

It's amazing how annoying things can be at the time, and 10 years later they don't seem like anything.

[psweems]

I often joke that I will not survive these toddler/preschool years.

I hope you don't say that in her presence, or in ANY of your children's presence! In fact, I suspect its not
even the kind of 'self-talk' you should be encouraging yourself with.

I think she's smart, and she knows who's in control. If you decide that she's in control of her clothing options
(which I would personally not have a problem with), I think the suggestions that she learn to understand that
part of the liberty to be her own boss in the clothing arena is that she has to clean up her own clothes. If she
already rattles the clothes around in the drawers, at 3 she is well able to put all her clothes back into the drawers.
Even if she puts them all into her own hamper, placed by her dresser, you could easily put back away the clean
clothes at a time convenient to you (and unknown to her) so that she is associating the freedom of unfettered
clothes changing with the requirement to put away all clothes as she goes. At 3, that will take some reminding,
but if she's able to pull them out, she's able to put them back into a hamper of your choosing.

She may always be a high energy person, and may someday redecorate her house many times a year. It may
serve her well in life, but only if she also learn to clean up after her whims. Otherwise, she will learn to create
chaos for herself, and possibly not enjoy the mess she continues to make. If she learns to clean up after herself
as she goes, she won't be afraid to tackle changes, knowing she reorganizes as she goes.

just a thought: I could 'play' my parents, too. By that I mean that I could talk them into almost anything,
and almost totally because I was NOT a problem and always chose good things. But, I also didn't learn to
accept 'no' with grace very easily... I felt I hadn't tried hard enough or that there was another problem. Worse than
that, I didn't always have to clean up after myself as a child and even today the prospect of a huge project can cause
me to consider the cleanup afterwards as potential deterrent to ever starting. I wonder if I'd been taught/enforced
to ALWAYS clean up after myself if I'd been more easily able to take the cleanup in stride, without dreading it??
Just wondering, of course...

Obviously there are different parenting styles. Some families play with food (& enjoy it)... others say that food is for eating,
and toys are for playing. Some families play with clothes, and others do not. If your dd is going to use her clothes as toys
to play with, then I guess you should train her to do the same things with clothes as she does with her toys: put them away.
Same goes for your help with her content changing: What do you do if/when she wants your constant help with her toys?
Maybe you can take the same approach with both... decide how much time you have to give to that play, how much time
you will ask her to be patient while you do other things, etc.

As you know, she will probably outgrow this phase. It could be a fun time for you both, if you have the time for it.
If you could train her to be responsible for the messes she makes with clothes (by putting them away), then you'll be
better prepared to work with the next target of her attention, whatever that is. What if she comes to LOVE cooking...
putting away your clothes would be great preparation for diligent cleanup of the kitchen.

My suggestion: Enjoy her energy, and train her as you go.

[HeyThereDelilah]

I hope you don't say that in her presence, or in ANY of your children's presence! In fact, I suspect its not
even the kind of 'self-talk' you should be encouraging yourself with.

Well, it's not something I consider self-talk. It is an honest to goodness joke. When I've said it, I never meant it literally as if I seriously thought there was a chance I would not survive her toddler years. And no, I have never said it in front of her, though she has no idea what the word "survive" means so she'd have no idea what I was talking about. However, I have a feeling we will disagree about this self-talk business so moving along...

I think she's smart, and she knows who's in control. If you decide that she's in control of her clothing options
(which I would personally not have a problem with),

Oh I agree that she is smart and also that she knows who's in control. The problem is not with her choosing her clothes. The problem was with her changing them every five minutes and leaving them all over the floor. I have never had a child who needed to have such a say in what he/she wore so that was a shock to me but also, I've never had a child who changed clothes all day long.

If your dd is going to use her clothes as toys
to play with, then I guess you should train her to do the same things with clothes as she does with her toys: put them away.

I have to say, the way you phrased this really got me thinking. That's it. She treats her clothes like toys. Maybe she thinks it's fun? Though I still find it to be a bit odd some of the things she does. For example, when she got home from her outing to the store with Daddy, she immediately started talking off her jeans and shirt and wanted to get into her pajamas. Now I guess she has seen me do this before, but I don't always do it, nor do I do it right when I come home. It's odd. It's like she has to have something different to wear for everything she does.

We've been doing well, though. You mentioned her picking up her clothes like she picks up her toys and we've been working on that this past week. I've started encouraging her to pick up her own toys before she moves on to something else. The first two times, it took a long time and there was much whining "I can't. It's too hard." but I cheered her on with what a big girl she was and showed her how to do it. She picks up her own toys now if I ask her to. She's not yet to the point where she will pick them up without being told, but I know she's only three so I'm keeping my expectations realistic.

Along those same lines, I have encouraged her in her efforts to dress herself and now she thinks it's fun. Now, if I go to help her, she smiles and reminds me, "Mama, I'm a big girl remember? I can do it by myself, see?" and I give her a big smile and praise her. I'm also teaching her that if she wants to change her clothes, she must put her old clothes up first. Either in the dirty laundry hamper if they got dirty, or back in her drawer if she just felt like changing. I will fold them up for her but she will run into the room to put them up.

So we are making progress!

Dh and I are discussing ways to help her with her other behavior issues...such as disobeying and interrupting. For interrupting, we have started holding up a finger to our lips and saying, "Shhhh" when she does it (encouraging her to hold her finger to her lips and we say this softly...not loudly or in a hasty manner) because she interrupts very frequently and persistently. We are trying our best to overcome our shortcomings as parents to help her channel her strong-willed personality in a positive direction.

[TamieJP]

Dh and I are discussing ways to help her with her other behavior issues...such as disobeying and interrupting. For interrupting, we have started holding up a finger to our lips and saying, "Shhhh" when she does it (encouraging her to hold her finger to her lips and we say this softly...not loudly or in a hasty manner) because she interrupts very frequently and persistently. We are trying our best to overcome our shortcomings as parents to help her channel her strong-willed personality in a positive direction.

God chose the right parents