What would you do differently?

[TamieJP]

As my children are aging, I sometimes reflect. What could I have done different or better or not at all...

My oldest is now 25yrs old. She often points out that if she's TOLD to do something, she'll rebel but if she's ASKED, she'll not rebel. To tell the truth, I believe she rebels on the standards of what she wants or does not want to do because I've marked times that SHE herself is demanding w/o asking, me asking and being mouthed at and so on...

I told her last night that I think where I failed was in her younger years, 2-10ish maybe, I did not EXPECT her to GET UP AND MOVE when I wanted her to do something. (Granted, I was caring for 12 other children mostly under 3yrs of age but that's beside the point). So, if I could do it again, I'd try to be more consistent with my requests and my children's responses.

[vicki]

I try not to look back. It's in the past and we can't change it. There are tons of things I would have done differently, but I didn't at the time.

And, it's very easy for adult children to look back and tell you what they would have done, or how they would have reacted if you'd only done such-and-such.

Don't listen to it. Just say, "okay" and move on to a different subject.

[HeyThereDelilah]

Don't listen to it. Just say, "okay" and move on to a different subject.

Yes and remind them they will have the opportunity to try it their way when they are parents.

[vicki]

Don't listen to it. Just say, "okay" and move on to a different subject.

Yes and remind them they will have the opportunity to try it their way when they are parents.

Yep!

[TamieJP]

I know this is an old post but I was unable to respond as the direction the thread went threw me.

I was just thinking of things that might help young parents through the eyes of those of us who have been there. What would you have done differently... ? What can the young parents of today, learn from us whose children are now adults?

[vicki]

So much has to be learned on your own, but I'd still advise new parents not to be worried about mundane and natural things such as thumb-sucking, drinking from a cup, weaning, potty-training, etc. No where on any job or college application will anyone be asked about those things.

And yes, I did worry about those things with our first child. I worried for about a nano-second until I decided I didn't care and if Marisa walked down the aisle sucking her thumb, holding a baby bottle, and wearing diapers, she would be far more embarrassed than I would be.

[TamieJP]

So much has to be learned on your own, but I'd still advise new parents not to be worried about mundane and natural things such as thumb-sucking, drinking from a cup, weaning, potty-training, etc. No where on any job or college application will anyone be asked about those things.

And yes, I did worry about those things with our first child. I worried for about a nano-second until I decided I didn't care and if Marisa walked down the aisle sucking her thumb, holding a baby bottle, and wearing diapers, she would be far more embarrassed than I would be.

I've used your comments to daycare clients & friends before. I always get a big grin from it.

[vicki]

[HeyThereDelilah]

So much has to be learned on your own, but I'd still advise new parents not to be worried about mundane and natural things such as thumb-sucking, drinking from a cup, weaning, potty-training, etc. No where on any job or college application will anyone be asked about those things.

I agree...mostly. With the thumb s*cking, sometimes it can mess up their permanent teeth. As for potty training, I do see a lot of young moms freak out about this. I don't know if it's because diapers are so expensive or because they are in competition with other moms to see who can potty train their child first (or maybe all their friends' kids are potty trained and they feel inadequate) but really....kids WILL potty train when they are ready. Don't freak out over it.

So many things I would have done different, however, those are not things I can teach a young mother because the reason I didn't do them is because, back then, I didn't have "eyes to see". I was at a different place and I didn't see things the way I see them now.

General guidelines: be careful what you allow your child to watch on tv. It may seem harmless, but they will soak it up and imitate it. Same goes for music, reading material, friends, etc...

[vicki]

Well, for some kids it can be very traumatic to attempt to break them of thumbsucking. I am so glad that my parents didn't force my sister and I to stop. She was 12 and I was 9 when we stopped--seriously. Neither of us wore braces. When my dd sucked her fingers, I explained that she could only do it at bedtime. That was fine with her, and maybe she still does it at 33. I don't know. Same with my stepson--we told him that thumbsucking was only at bedtime, but we didn't care when he stopped. That took a huge amount of pressure off of us and of the kids.

Neither has ever needed braces, unlike three of our other kids who were not finger/thumbsuckers. And I used to say, "Better to pay the orthodontist than the psychiatrist," but we didn't have to pay either doctor anyway.